Having moved to Bangsaen mid-April I have been feeling slightly lost and lonely. I had a few days in Bangkok with my friend and then another weekend in Bangkok with some other friends and each time I had a fantastic time- but then I return to my new place and still feel a little deflated. Deflation- what’s all that about? One definition is “brought low in spirit” and that is definitely how I am feeling at the moment. I am not generally an unhappy person, nothing gets me down, I am always cheerful but I can’t muster any enthusiasm for anything at the moment.
However, I know myself and I know that in a few weeks once I start work and start to meet new people I will become excited about Thailand again and love living here but that’s in a few weeks. Although my friend did say to me that I am lucky to have the choices I have-not everyone has that. And this is very true.
It was the same when I started to live in Surin, although I had a Thai friend with me, it took me a while to meet people and get to know people and in the end I loved living there. At least in Bangsaen I already have a couple of friends who I have seen over the past few days and who helped me to celebrate my birthday.
But when you live in a foreign country away from your loved ones all your feelings seem heightened. As my mother told me it is my choice to come and live here (and you know your mother is always right) and it would be a knee-jerk reaction to go home. This is not an option for me but it has crossed my mind.
So my plan is: –
1. To get fit- and I mean really fit which means cutting out the booze and cigarettes (cutting out seems so extreme so it’ll just be cutting down for now).
2. To save loads of money- I still want to travel and see other countries so while I am teaching in Thailand it gives me the opportunity to save. Plus as I will be getting fit I won’t be going out and spending loads of money.
3. To learn languages- since I finished my Open University degree I have been lost without it so before I left the UK I started to improve my Thai and start learning Hindi. I need to speak Thai better than I do because I live in Thailand and Hindi is just for fun, although I plan to visit India at some point so that will come in handy. And I may throw a bit of Arabic in there as well. One never knows when languages will come in handy.
Whether these plans come to fruition time will tell but plans are good- they keep you focused and determined, instead of knee-jerk reactions. So after my contract finishes (or before) I can re-assess things and go from there.
I started to write this over a week ago and today I am feeling better about things already. Mostly I have my head screwed on and know what I want to do (although that awareness never came to me until only a few years ago) but sometimes, just sometimes I get confused and thrown about how I feel about things- but like I said I know myself and I know that I will be excited again about living in the place that I love and who knows what the future will bring.